Glossary
Let’s start with the basics, because I know that if you’re only just starting your journey, ‘the basics’ might not be so basic, after all.
Things might be a little confusing, there might be a load of new words for you to look at, and if you’re questioning yourself for the first time, then you don’t really want to be having an all-out existential crisis about what means what and which one fits who you are.
You don’t actually need to label yourself at all if you don’t want to. But I personally find labels useful so that I can better understand myself and where I fit into the world.
So, let’s get into it. Here’s probably all the words you’ll ever need to get you started on figuring out your place in the LGBT+ community, as well as the world. Or, for anyone who isn’t questioning themselves, but wants to learn more about the LGBT+ community, this can help them to be a better ally.
Sexuality
Types of sexuality and things related to sexuality.
Abro (sexual and romantic) – Someone who’s sexual or romantic identity changes over time. The labels they use to describe themselves might also change as their identity changes, too.
Ace – An umbrella term for a lack of sexual attraction. Includes asexuals, demisexuals, and grey-asexuals.
Ace and aro/ace and aro spectrum – Umbrella terms for people who experience a lack of, or occasionally feel varying levels of sexual or romantic attraction. Sexualities such as gay or straight or others can be used at the same time to better explain who they’re attracted to.
Allo (sexual and romantic) – People who do experience sexual and romantic attraction.
Aro – An umbrella term for a lack of, varying, or occasional romantic attraction.
Aromantic – Someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. Aromantic people might feel sexual attraction, but this isn’t always the case.
Asexual – Someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, but some Asexual people might feel romantic attraction. Not a choice, and not to be confused with celibacy, where someone would refrain from sex on purpose, maybe because they want to wait until marriage.
Bisexual – Romantic and/or sexual attraction towards more than one gender.
Demi (sexual and romantic) – Someone who is only sexually or romantically attracted to someone else once they share a close emotional bond.
Gay – A man interested in other men, or a woman interested in other women, although women can also use the term ‘Lesbian’ to refer to themselves.
Grey (sexual and romantic) – An umbrella term that describes people who feel attraction occasionally, hardly ever, or under specific conditions.
Heterosexual/straight – Someone interested in the opposite gender.
Lesbian – Women interested in other women.
Pansexual – Someone whose attraction to others isn’t limited by sex or gender.
Queer – Can be used as a vague description of sexuality, or just as someone who is part of the LGBT+ community. It was used as a slur in the past, but has been reclaimed by many queer people, and is now used more positively. Cisgender or straight people should only use the word queer to describe someone if they have asked permission to first, or been told that it’s okay, as some LGBT+ people do not use the word to describe themselves due to its negative associations from the past.
Gender
Types of gender identity and things related to gender.
Cisgender – The opposite of transgender. Someone assigned female at birth who identifies as female, for example.
Deadnaming – Using someone’s old name after they have asked you to use their new one. Often this causes high levels of distress, and it should never be done unless the other person has asked you to use their old name. This might happen if they don’t feel safe enough to tell more people, or don’t want someone else to know yet. A person does not legally have had to have changed their name for you to refer to them with their new one. It’s just respectful to use their new name anyway.
Gender – Usually based on what you’re born as and determined by culture. It’s a spectrum, and doesn’t just involve male or female, but also other identities in between.
Intersex – Someone who has the biological characteristics of both sexes.
Gender Identity – What you identify as on the inside.
Gender Expression – How you show your gender on the outside, such as wearing a dress, gender expression is often considered masculine or feminine, but can be anything you want it to be.
Gender Dysphoria – Discomfort between assigned sex and the gender you identify as. A trans man, someone born female who identifies as male, might feel dysphoria towards having wider hips, as this is typically a feminine trait that women have. Gender dysphoria arguably isn’t necessary to be trans.
Gender Euphoria – A feeling of content or happiness when being gendered correctly.
Gender reassignment – Normally a way to describe someone’s gender transition, often in terms of surgery or medical intervention. You don’t need to go through medical interventions to be trans.
Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) – A way to be legally recognized as your gender in the UK, as well as get married in your new gender and change your birth certificate to your new gender. You don’t need a GRC to change your name or title (Mr, Miss, etc). You don’t need it to change your gender in most places, as they will usually accept a Deed Poll and/or a letter from your GP or Gender Identity Clinic stating that you intend to live in your new gender until death.
Gender Identity Clinic – The first step towards medical transition. You can also go private, but that costs money, whereas a gender clinic is free on the NHS. The downside is the lengthy, years long waitlist to get your first appointment once you’ve been referred from your GP.
Non-binary – An umbrella term for someone whose gender identity isn’t male or female, but could be somewhere in between, or something more difficult to define.
Passing – In terms of trans people, passing is when they are seen as the gender they identify as in public, or by someone who doesn’t know them, through their appearance. It’s also a goal for some trans people so that they can ‘blend in’ or feel safer in public, although not all trans people have this goal.
Pronouns – Words to refer to people when talking about them, such as ‘he’ ‘she’ or ‘they.’ There are more pronouns than these ones, and if you’re unsure, it’s better to take the person aside and ask them in private which pronouns they use.
Transgender – To identify as a gender different from the sex you were assigned at birth.
Sex – Physical characteristics you’re born with, including genitals. Secondary sex characteristics develop during puberty.
Transgender man – A man assigned female at birth/born female who identifies as male.
Transgender woman - A woman assigned male at birth/born male who identifies as female.
Transitioning – Steps that someone might take to live as the gender they identify. This is different for everybody, and there is no ‘right’ way of doing it. It’s all about what the individual finds comfortable, but may involve social, medical, and legal transition.
Transphobia – Prejudice against someone for being transgender.
Transsexual – An outdated term typically used to refer to someone who has medically transitioned. Not used widely today and can sometimes be seen as offensive depending on personal preference.
Other Definitions
Ally – A usually straight or cisgender person who supports the LGBT+ community.
Ambiamorous – The ability to be in a polyamorous or monogamous relationship with little to no preference between the two.
Biphobia – Disliking or being cruel or intolerant to someone because they identify as Bisexual, often based on prejudice. Can be because of upbringing or learnt views from other intolerant people.
Butch – Usually someone assigned female at birth who expresses themselves in a typically masculine way.
Coming out – When someone tells other people about their sexuality and/or gender identity. Usually, the person being told is trustworthy and should react with respect, kindness, and positive affirmation.
Femme – Someone who expresses themselves in a typically feminine way.
Homophobia – Being prejudice against someone because they’re gay.
Lesbophobia – Being prejudice against someone because they’re a lesbian.
LGBTQ+ - The acronym for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, questioning, ace, and more.
Monogamy – Having one sexual or romantic partner within a relationship. Being in a relationship with only one other person.
Orientation – An umbrella term for attraction.
Outed – When someone’s sexuality or gender identity is revealed to others without their consent. This can often be dangerous and should not be attempted under any circumstances.
Polyamory – Being open to having more than one romantic or sexual partner within a single relationship. Can be defined as a relationship structure. Polyamory is not the same as cheating, because everyone within the relationship has consented to being a part of it. It is also not the same as Polygamy.
Questioning – Exploring your sexuality or gender identity.
Sexual orientation – Who you’re attracted to romantically and/or sexually, or sometimes, who you’re not attracted to, if you end up identifying as Asexual or something similar.
Spectrum – A term for multiple identities that often involve a shared experience. Such identities are on a ‘spectrum’ because of how they differ between each other, like Bisexual being near the middle of the spectrum, and gay being on one end.
So, that’s a lot. I get more into some of these things in future posts, if you’re looking for some more depth than what a smaller definition can give you.
If you think there’s something missing, please let me know in the comments. I’ll add it to the Glossary.
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